running nowhere

i’ve been running lately….

it wouldn’t seem like it from the outside. i just returned home from the other side of the world, and i don’t have any immediate plans to leave again.

so where am i running? i am NOT running away from God’s direction. i believe God brought me home. i still have peace in that. actually i’m not running anywhere…i’m just running in place. God didn’t bring me home to run.

why can’t i stop? why can’t i just REST in God and enjoy the blessings He has for me? i feel torn by this imbalance surrounding me. on the outside, i’ve slowed down. it appears i’ve learned to ‘let go and let God.’ i’m not chasing a career just for the fat salary. i’ve proven by my actions that i’m satisfied letting God use me HIS way. i’ve shown patience and faith. YET SOMEHOW, i don’t feel it inside. my mind is consumed by doing, by achieving, by having something to show for the work.

God has been telling me to slow down. i hear him, and i want to listen. i want to just stop. i want to just watch the sunset with Him; i want to get up early and have coffee with Him; i want to spend time with Him reading my Bible.

but i haven’t.

i just keep running in place, thinking about how wonderful it would be to stop….